Satan got stoned in Saudi Arabia today

O'REILLY: Welcome back to The Factor. Maybe some of you are expecting me to go on about the Bush inauguration or about how the economy is booming, just like I said it would if Bush were re-elected. Or maybe my Liberal Detractors expect me to kick back and rest on my laurels now that we are on easy street. Uh uh. Now is the time to be more vigilant than ever.

[CLOSE-UP OF BILL'S FURLED BROW]

O'REILLY: Now I'm not talking about the ridiculous personal attacks against myself. I can take whatever cheap shots they want to thow at me. No... I'm talking about being vigilant about the Big Things. And that brings us to...



THE MOST RIDICULOUS ITEM OF THE DAY

O'REILLY: Today's most ridiculous item! The Hajj! You know, when all those people head to Saudi Arabia to visit Mecca or whatever. Do you think it's purely COINCIDENCE that they chose to try to overshadow Our President's Inauguration with their festival!? Of course it's not. Let me tell it to you straight, folks, it's just one more way they are attacking our way of life.

[CAMERA PANS BACK FOR SERIOUS SHOT]

O'REILLY: I'm not sure what kind of a religious festival it is when you celebrate Satan getting stoned while "pilgrims" slaughter a million animals! Is this for real? Yes, that's Islam for ya. I mean, c'mon. It's ridiculous! I'm tellin' it to ya straight folks, this is the NO SPIN zone, after all. But I encourage you to check out the gory details for yourself at CNN. Me, I think it's a load of Shiite. And that's why the Haaj is the Most Ridiculous Item of the Day.

[PULL BACK. CLOSING SHOT.]

O'REILLY: That's it for The Factor today. Stay tuned for more Real Journalism: Fair and Balanced, coming up next, on Fox News!